As we start our journey through Steve Cuss' "The Expectation Gap," two matters come immediately to the surface. The first is adding ourselves to the list of our most precious and conscious relationships. The point here is that many of us are often disconnected from ourselves or we treat ourselves radically different than we treat others.
Does this sound familiar:
It's easy to be kind to others, while we're hard on ourselves.
We are intentional about checking in on others to see how they are doing and we believe them when they tell us. Yet we neglect to check in on ourselves and we berate ourselves if we're not living up to snuff.
Jesus affirms that one of the greatest commands is to "love your neighbor as yourself," yet were we to truly do that, we wouldn't love our neighbors very well, because we neglect to love ourselves well. So we must learn to take ourselves seriously, to treat ourselves with grace and compassion, and to give ourselves the same permissions we give others, namely, to be human.
The second matter in living into a true, rather than false, reality has to deal with four relational dynamics that influence every relationship, even our relationship with God. Those dynamics as Steve presents them are:
Assumptions: the way we make meaning out of something we think we know, but do not actually know. These almost always put us in a false reality.
Reactivity: when we don't get what we need (or think we need) it triggers reactions in us. Sometimes we get larger-than-life. Sometimes we shrink away. Whatever the case, our reactions cause us to disconnect from ourselves, other people, and God.
Stuck Patterns: when our assumptions generate certain reactions, and that happens over and over again, we get stuck in patterns that are difficult to break free from. These are our "autopilot" responses.
Attempted Solutions: anytime a problem comes along that we are trying to resolve through our familiar assumptions, reactions, and stuck patterns, we can actually make the situation worse rather than better.
In order to dispell the illusion that keeps us from a deep encounter with ourselves, others, and God, we need to be aware of and address these dynamics. God is truth and wants us to live in truth, so that we might be free of that which is false, those assumptions, reactions, stuck patterns, and attempted solutions that keep us in bondage.
As you encounter this material, what stands out to you? What assumptions do you hold? What reactions are your default? Where are you stuck in a pattern of disfunction? How might you add yourself to your list of precious relationships? And how might paying attention to all these things open a clearer path between you and God?
Go Deeper: if you want to dive into these ideas even more, click this link to purchase "The Expectation Gap" by Steve Cuss.
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